hugs for tomorrow

it has been a while.. hasn't it? =)

I have been spending time with my final year thesis and well... life.

I would be graduating soon, where one chapter of my life will close. the next chapter would be more winding, more bumpy and harder to pass the days.. but still, I have to go through it someday.

so before this chapter closes, I reminisce back those years, those days and those nights, where I have made plenty of mistakes, hurting people that I know, closing the doors of opportunities that came knocking, and most of all, hurting myself in the process of growing. I regretted. some.

and for all those regrets that I have been keeping to myself, I would like to apologize for them, one by one..

I accept what had left me.

I accept what is left of me.

I accept what is before me now, and the future.

I accept the apologies I made for myself.

I accept the apologies people made for me.

if I could, I want to fix things.. so that I don't have to feel the weight on my shoulders.

but some things, are not meant to be fixed. they are meant to fade over time. time, is all I need. tomorrow, is all I hoped for.

hugs for tomorrow. =)

dear brown envelopes

if I really could

post all sadness to the black hole

send all tears to the sun

move all memories to the Bermuda triangle

life probably will be a little more peaceful.


to bubble wrap my heart

and send it to the end of time

because I think it has become a little weary

from all emotions.

and if there is another way to solve this

I wish I could put these emotions

in big brown envelopes

and post it to no where on earth.

and these big brown envelopes will have to

go through storms, sun, ice and whatever season

and become rotten, forgotten.

these big brown envelopes, where can I get it?

brave enough?

i sense there will be another mistake.. even though i am still keeping my fingers-crossed.

maybe i am just keeping my guard, putting up the walls and protect myself from being harmed again.

but i realise i am weak.. weak to defend myself for long. the longer the time run, the more these walls starts to weaken and crumble.

what i really hope now, is that when the walls are all down, it will not be another mistake, but all is out there are hopes and dreams that is yet to be discovered.

the past few days was a dream, the happiest dream.. but all too fragile to believe and to hold onto. i can be woke up to the reality any moment now, and all the wonderful things might be taken away within seconds.

i might be able to smile and laugh today, but how about tomorrow?

tomorrow.. i promise to smile even brighter than today, no matter what happens.

I smiled

I woke up this morning and went to church with mum and dad.

as I sit on the corner bench in the church while the priest preached, I finally have insights and was able to reason out what has been bothering me. and once again, I fell deeply in love with God. =)

to be honest, I am doing some judging lately. I judged the person whom I am close to and care most. I was thinking of finding ways to help him. I looked into the bible, went online searching into this matter, fasted and prayed... I even wanted to talk it over with a priest.

what I was afraid is that God will hate him. God will hate him for his sin.

but I am a sinner myself.. what right can I say that God will hate him?

then I remembered I read this somewhere,

"God hates sin, loves the sinner".

that sentence alone, brought great relief to my whole being.

God loves him. God loves him in all ways.

and the beauty I saw is that... he too, loves God, so very much.

so bless him. no matter how broken he will be, or how dark his closet is, I hope he knows that I will always be on his side. or at least know that, God is on his side =)

waiting for miracle

I just knew about something that is not pleasant to me. and though I am still trying to accept the fact, deep down inside I am still hoping it will change for the better.

but when I search into the matter, did a thorough research and was asking around... I am more than disappointed. only a small fraction of solutions that I can do to fix the problem.

there is a solution that reads like this,

"look for God. and prayers, loads of them. hope for a miracle."

within this short time, I really wish there is a miracle.

I am desperate for a miracle that I cannot hold back my tears =(

Valentine's and Love

random chat with a friend and she was asking me about Valentine's day and Love.

she challenged me to blog about it to tell not only to her, but to the whole world.

...challenge accepted! X)

so this one is for you, siao cha bo!


1. what LOVE means to you, nutty girl?

- love is... everything under the sun! love is the greatest gift by God with a whole package of what makes life so interesting because it comes with so many emotions and ways and types and many little things in between. love is... wonderful =)


2. what is the best gift from Valentine's day that has been given to you?

- second chance of living. that was the best Valentine's gift from God 4 years ago.


3. what was the best gift you gave to your partner?

- yerrrrrr.. forgot =P


4. what do you plan to do this coming Valentine?

- enjoy the day and go with the flow =)


5. what is your ideal man?

- wow... got so much in mind but let's settle to one simple characteristic: he must love God more than I do.


6. how do you visualise an ideal Valentine's date?

- a good meal, a stroll in the park, and then a car ride to no where.. because i am always the designated driver so i would really love the feeling of sitting on the non-driver seat and view the scenery while watching how adorable my driver is. =P
nothing special needed for this day because if he is the right guy, everyday would be Valentine's day. to me the most important day for a relationship is anniversaries, not Valentine's day. what say you, siao cha bo?

7. last question: in your mind, who would be your Valentine right now?

- *cough... arh?

cheers to the good times

it all started in the lab when my friend ah qing asked me, "when are we going to play at your home town?"

I answered politely, careful to not make any promises, "we will see how later =)"

but it happened. rough planning came true and I was more than happy to show my friends the place where I grew up.

in the morning my daddy was being so kind that he brought us to the farm. *thanks a lot, daddy! big hugs!!*

we enjoyed eating rambutans fresh from tree, collected durians, plucked durian belanda, picked cempedak, walked the whole farm, climbed langsat tree (ah qing papa climbed actually, and we girls just gave support from far haha).

what we didn't realise is that we had our pick-up truck loaded with fruits, all kinds of it by the end of the trip.

I thought I can keep my cool, but ended up my leg being soaked in dirt the most compared to the rest ngahaha.. ah well, I am always clumsy. =)

then later that afternoon we went for a picnic at Ranchan waterfall. one day before we prepared our sandwiches and drinks to the waterfall. the weather was also so kind to us, it was cool the whole afternoon.

the water was cold and there are so many little fish that loves to bite. I knew I played hard at the waterfall because I had a bad cough that lasted until today lol.

such a memorable day spent with my mushroom family

serenity

first post for 2012.

happy new year 2012, happy chinese new year, and happy chap goh mei *wayyyyyyy too late but still wanna wish =)*

let's start off with what I wish for this year: serenity.

what I foresee myself for this year is insurmountable chaoses and difficulties. it will be a life changing year as I am going to go through my final semester, practical, graduating, and making the most important decision in my life as to continue pursuing in which field.

there should be no big problems ahead when I take my Lord with me all the way =)

serenity.. yea I wish for serenity in my heart.
when there is serenity in my heart, there is peace in my life.
when there is peace in my life, there is gratitude to God.
when there is gratitude to God, there will be closeness to my Lord.
when there is closeness to my Lord, anything would be perfect.

sweet =)