my popo

i have one and only grandma now.. reaching the age of 80, i know i must love her more and more :)

which is why i love to bring her around and enjoy little things in life. she cant walk much, but she and i share the same interest.. car rides!!

last weekend drove my parents and grandma to the airport to send my brother back to Bintulu. after that, daddy bought McD ice-cream for everyone including grandma's. eating ice-cream in the car together while watching airplanes go off and land was freaking fun and priceless


look at grandma!! :D


it's so fluffay im gonna die!


ngeeee one for d album! ooops sorry daddy XD


while i was waiting for mah ice-cream


its so very easy to have a fun time with those you love. anything simple can be a sweet memory. grandma eating ice-cream will be a rare one. she might not be able to eat ice-cream someday but at least i captured a moment of hers enjoying her sweet treat.

popo, one more round? :)

another night comes

another night with loneliness. sitting here and got nothing to do but to think of one person, perhaps two that had been gone for too long. and i tried to push those bad feelings by thinking the things i could have done and enjoy big dreams i have.

and yes.. i think i give up already. i have changed many things in my life to keep away from you or to keep the distance.. but it always have failed. i failed and i faked a smile and it hurts not to admit it. its sad when the people you try to love don't feel the same way. leave and let go.. and i cant.

the more walls i build the more shaky they are. i give up trying to build those walls. it's no use coming back to the same spot again. i give up. so i am going to run for this. run far enough away for you to miss me. and if nothing happens by then.. i know what it means.

and so another night comes, another lonely one.

changeling

i finally feel peace,
after all the pain that comes ease,
i hold on to God's love to lead me,
i find serenity without notice.

having trouble sleeping these nights,
i knelt down in the dark without lights,
terrified with the thought that this body can't fight,
i prayed, and grasped the cross tight.

i haven't told a soul,
and only heaven knows what i am at all,
this battle forced me to be bitter cold,
did someone out there hear my call?

sometimes i feel my body gets weak,
and the future really seems bleak,
i tried not to miss your encouragement, but my heart won't fake,
decided to keep it to myself, will that be a mistake?

no, i don't think it's a mistake that way,
i must not let you worry about my day,
'i am doing fine', i must say,
because there should not be sorrow for 2 hearts, come what may.

i am at peace, this is true and honest,
and everyday i give my very best,
making each moment the happiest,
all these tempers, they will just go with the breeze.

fondness

its wonderful when spending time with those i love.. able to talk about everything and have a little world where only we know.

but i often forget the part where i have to let go.. where people decide not to stay or eventually leave. i forget it is beyond my control and will that those i treasure will someday gone.

or maybe i did not forget. i choose to ignore. and that ignorance hit me pretty hard these days.

i learned one word when i am lying down on the bed typing this.. fondness.

i so loved a thing or a person.. and that fondness takes place. being used to one's presence and the next moment you lost that person..

yeah.. people can come and leave anytime they want. And yeah.. We must get hurt now and then. And they say time will heal the pain. I hope they are not BS.. Because my old wounds, they never get heal!

When people leave, what must i do? I am so fond already, it is a habit, it was my drug to get through shitty days..

and so i gave up building fondness with people.. It might save my heart from more damage.

I am very down today, but i hope its not for long.. Im figuring out how to get through.. And be able to find my oldself back. My old cc. I miss her.