my first date

was blog walking and read about my friend went dating.

all of a sudden, i had flashbacks from my first date, back in 2008.

was it with my boyfriend? nope.

was he my crush? nope.. not that i can recall haha

he was the guy in the same class as me. Josh (not the real name), was a senior of mine because he was taking the 2 years matriculation course.

the date we had is actually for our MUET class assignment. interesting, no? i was lucky when assigned to go on a date with him. because i feel that he is experienced and is able to treat girls well.

so when the day arrived, i was pretty nervous. my room mates knew about the date, and they got me all well primped and wore the best outfit i had. i tried to keep it cool, all the way.

when i arrived at the college gate he was there already, waiting for me. we took a bus to town together. first thing we did was to have lunch.

the thing that didn't make me too nervous is that the whole class went together in pairs. it is like a class trip, only you have to stick to one person throughout the journey.

he got a place which is a bit further than the rest of our friends. while the double dates were sitting in a big group having lunch, we were on the other end of the corner having ours. "more privacy", he said. =)

just like how boys should treat their girls, i was treated the same, like a princess for a day. he pulled out my chair for me to sit *kind of embarrassing but it was really sweet of him, helped me ordered my drink, went window shopping and made me laugh, went bowling (he was pro, i lost badly), and sent me back to my hostel after that.

in class, he was rather a serious person, always the quiet one. he is smart, no doubt on that. for the maths questions that i had no idea how to solve, he knows the formula and ways to solve it. i seldom talked to him in class, but on our date, i saw a different, witty side of him. which is good, which is memorable. =)

i remembered when i was in secondary school, i often wondered when will i ever find my other half, if those baby steps towards love haven't been taken yet. dating, kissing, meeting.. those kinds of baby steps. because at school i was the serious one. as the only daughter of parents who both work at the same school, i recall that there are none who dared to approach me. i am not all pretty or brainy, and often keep things to myself.

since then, i probably loved too much all these while. i got my heart broken.. twice to be exact, promises forgotten, and scars widely opened. but i think it is okay... i just haven't met the one for me yet.

like my friend always said, "my prince charming took the wrong turn, it takes time for him to arrive here to pick me up"

yesh, he is somewhere out there. and i will be waiting, not for my first date in my life, but my first date with him =)

undecided

i don't even know how to describe what i am feeling this moment. ahhhhh yaiyaii...

holiday so far

so far, so good =)

i am currently working as a all time driver, part time housewife, day time cook, and full time daughter to annoy mum and dad at home

and am enjoying cooking like never. i would imitate the chefs on tv, chopping while explaining the ingredients i am using for the cooking. haha the beauty of being alone at home, i am free to talk to myself *crazy.. yesh.. X)







then went to yum cha with old friends from primary school.. i terribly missed them. everyone had grown up to be a young lady and gentlemen already =) more pretty, more handsome, and more graceful.

so very different from primary school days, or even secondary school days! it makes me wonder, how far already have i grown up? how much did i change? how mature is my thinking? how different i am from when i was in primary or secondary school?



maybe i changed a little, then maybe, a lot.. some of my relatives cannot recognize me when i visit. somehow i feel a little bit depressed to be treated like a stranger.. but then i find the beauty in it too.

see, earlier i said i read about our words are like prayers. few years back, i often wanted to go somewhere where nobody knows me. i somehow found that place, right here in my hometown.

walking along the streets alone, i saw friends' mothers and familiar faces. i smiled at them, but all i get is ignorant. haha.. no heart feelings =)

but then when walking with my mum, people in the market would ask if i am Cecelia. yesh, i am her.. long time no see! =)

i like the feeling of not being known by anyone. not to say i am anti-social, i hang out a lot to be in that category, but somehow i love to be peaceful. i treasure people i know... but if i could show you, if you are able to take a glimpse in my past life, you know what i mean when i say i prefer not to be recognized.

right.. let's move on to what i did so far during holiday. pengilan! pengilan is s sarawakian malay language, means wedding reception. didn't attend much of pengilan, mum and dad is super busy with work and farm.. juggling here and there, i pity them sometimes.

i did attend my cousin's wedding though. great food and great companions.. great drinking session! *i didn't sip a beer.. elected as driver last minute X)

i was sitting the same table with all my cousins. and when cousins get together... its berry merry!!

half the holiday is over, half the fun is over.. but they say things will be much better in the end, so i believe it will be more fun for my every tomorrows!

ah.. should hit the bed soon. my insomnia is getting worser each day, mum starts to worry

goodnight and sleep tight =)

the way Jesus care

how to show, express, tell someone that you really care for them?

through many kinds of acts to show someone how you care, i especially love Jesus' way of telling us, He cares.. =)

i heard a story about one man who got cancer and had to be operated half of his stomach, which intrigued me.

he had sleepless nights since he was diagnosed. his body got weaker everyday and all his friends and colleagues would come to visit him everyday, bringing health foods and constantly supporting him.

the day came when he was admitted to the hospital to be prepared for surgery, and his friends would still come, and they started talking as if they were better than the surgeons and doctors by telling him,

"do not worry... just let the surgeon cut wherever they want. if need to cut half the stomach, so be it! they are very good, very professional.. it will be alright, you will be okay!"

despite all the positive encouragement as such, would one still think that he is able to sleep at that very night?

he was even worry, and couldn't even close his eyes throughout the night.

it was then one of his best friend who flew in from oversea, working as a doctor to visit him. after being asked how is he today, this man with cancer started to tell about his everyday life after being diagnosed with cancer to the doctor.

then, unlike any other friends who came and advised him not to worry, this doctor didn't say a word, and stayed with him that night at the hospital.

the very next day, this man had become a different person. see how one's care brings so much difference?..

my Jesus.. is just like that doctor. when i am heavily burdened, and started to complaint, i try my very best to reach out to Him. i do have my sleepless nights, more often during the times i am faced with problems i cannot solve. He knows very well my sufferings, because He was once a human, He has been through all emotions, all pains..

when i told Him all sorts of problems, He didn't say to me, "don't worry. everything will be alright. don't think too much, just sleep well tonight.."

instead, He stayed with me throughout the ordeal. He sat with me in the corner. He held me in the dark room. when there is nothing can be done, He still stick by me.

i feel that He is here with me. i adore His presence. and with that feeling, i have hope. i find peace in my heart.

like the doctor who stayed through the night with the man who have no more hope to live, Jesus stayed through your life, anyhow you needed Him.

hope you find peace in His presence. He doesn't necessary provide you answers to your problems, He will just stay by your side, no matter how ugly it gets. it is His way of caring towards you =)

expectations

a famous saying that goes, 'the higher the expectations, the bigger the disappointment'

i always have expectations in things i do, and i also have expectations towards people around me.

and with those little expectations summing up altogether, i am facing a sky high disappointments in me. darn..

so from this moment onward, i will try not to have any more expectations.

maybe with this kind of attitude, i will be happier, merrier, and more free will.

the same goes in relationships. i expect nothing already from it. Oprah Winfrey mentioned that she is glad she is not married until this day, because to her, being married means there is expectations.

if the expectations are not met, people are bound to get disappointed and eventually, the marriage will not work.

i have expectations in my past relationships, and they didn't work. i guess, i learned my lesson..

i have expectations in my future, and it didn't go the way i wanted. yes, i learned my lesson.

so now i rip all my expectations, tore down those i must achieve lists, erase those judgement on how people should act..

and just, celebrate life.