perhaps

next year's Christmas would be better, perhaps..

mum's advice

had a wonderful 'mum and daughter' time tonight where me and mum sitting together for a tea after cleaning up the dishes for dinner.

we talked about living as a married person. i was whining and skeptical of becoming a happily married woman someday when all i heard and experienced all these while was only heartbreaking and disappointing.

for every couple i met, there must be only 1 side who gives more, while the other one tend to not to appreciate it..

for every couple i met, there must be one who always hurt badly to maintain the relationship, while the other one just could not care less.

for some couples where either one who is so damn kind, only to get betrayed at the end of the day.

some have a partner who treated them as only one of the options, and not exceptions.

some were so good together, but that is because both of them have affairs somewhere else unknown to each other.

some real true love just cannot be together because of statuses or distances or religious or whatever heck you can think of that makes differences between two people.

and for those who give more and was always hurt, they can get tired, and eventually marriage or any relationship turns sour.

and some of the couple i met who totally head over heels for each other, suddenly broke up i don't know and cannot explain why they did.

and so mum was listening to me and all my points of 'no points being in love and get married whatsoever'. she might think i read too much love stories and hear too much bad things. to me they are real, which makes me sad. and what is worst, i somehow was going through some of it.

was. haha

and then mum said,

"well, opposite attracts and if they can handle each other well, the relationship can go on for a long time. the kind must learn to be firm, the hurt one should talk over and solve together. don't be such a rush to end things. people makes mistakes, and if mistakes can be pointed out and become fair to the both of them, then for sure marriage would be a bliss. i agree what you said either one sacrifice more but from time to time, small reward even like a smile from the one they love can cure every wounds and heal every hardship they did"

hahahaha! i agree with what mum said.. no wonder she make such a good counselor at school.

and what i need now is someone as a prove to what she said is right lol =P

Santa

i mustered up all courage to get my Santa to see what i wanted for this year's Christmas.

i see a smile, i hear nothing come up from Santa's mouth, and the pupils in his eyes getting smaller by a time, as if thinking of something faaaaaaaaaaaaar ahead.

then i asked again, "can i? =) "

then the sentences from Santa, "we will see. by the end of this month, you still holiday, don't really need it yet, right?"

"yup."

and so i was left to sleep tonight with a 50/50 chance of getting my ultimate present for this year's Christmas...

i asked for it because i love it, i dreamed about it, i long for it, i want it....

well if i am a good girl, i think i will get it. if not also never mind, i will still be happy because nothing changes =)

what did i asked for? not telling you!! hehe try and guess.

no, not the capo i asked before... something more than that haha

ah... just wait and see

daddy's paradise

after few days of recuperating myself from injury at home, i finally got the green light to go farming with mum and dad. =)

mum waked me up at 5.30am telling me, "come go walk-walk" with a big smile on her face.

# em...? soooooooooo early walk-walk? where? lala land?.....

farm. oh no. can i just sleep-in today in the room? last night slept at... but i promised to go. go.. or not go..? *sigh*

go go go go go... wake up liaoooo >.< #

what made it so hard to wake up is because of the morning rain~ nice to cuddle in a comforter hahaha~

and so in daddy's paradise.... these are the things you can see, pick, pluck, eat, collect, admire, plant... you name it! =D



i learned about durian's sisters today. these 2 look similar? they are actually 2 different fruits with different taste =) later on will explain hehe



banana


custard apple





exploding papaya


capsicum


cempedak


langsat (season's almost over)


traditional animal traps


pineapple


bountiful oranges


this is called custard apple. tastes sweet, very sweet =)


this... is durian belanda. sour, very sour should just make juice with it haha


we grow palm oil trees at the moment


now i know why mum and dad would stay in the farm so long they refuse to come home early. there are too many to see, too big to explore, and so much love is needed for this farm. i had a blast, and there are still so much trees yet to see. daddy said durian trees might bear fruit sometime soon, which i am looking forward to. dragon fruit trees and lime trees and rambutan trees and lemon trees and nangcen trees and jambu trees and longan trees and and and and LOL, are yet to see!

gosh... i ran out of energy and am depleted..

what a wonderful day, thank you mum, thank you dad...praise the Lord =)

call

dear .....,

when was it that you last called... was it exactly today, last year?

if you'd asked how far we have moved on since that day, i will not be able to give you the exact answer. because i know, whatever comes out from my mouth would crush you badly.

the memories are always just a distant away. never too near, yet not too far to be forgotten. but honestly today, just after you called that the memories had intensified they drowned me.

regret never comes first. what we missed out in life are simple life lessons to treasure everything we still own. and from the tone of your voice, i still sense regret in you.

you asked, "how to forget?" don't forget. remember every detail and every moment, until it means nothing to you. and for all those tears you dropped for me, i apologize every drop of it. for every drop was your weakness, and i was the one who let it flow.

we both are happier now, i hope. you know what to treasure, i know my life goal.

thank you for the call. thank you for the well wishes.

to the future. =)

love,
silly

positive people

'life is already hard as it is, there's no need for another to make it harder. surround yourself with positive people' =)

because of certain experience i encountered, i realised that i prefer being with positive people or friends.

positive people don't cry aloud to the world. they have few good friends they can secretly talk over and feel better.

positive people show the best to the world with megawatt smiles and good aura. positive people are addictive, and easy to love.

positive people are attractive, they are not loud in person, they just feel good of who they are. they don't need to talk much, people know he or she had it all.

positive people leave the others wondering what are they happy about. and if people wonder, they are drawn nearer together.

positive people can REALLY make you feel good. the ugly can become beautiful, the bad can become good, the worst can become better... what more do you ask?

positive people.. are generally good hearted. they love whoever loves them. they have principles in life, religion is their priority in leading a humble and better life.

i have met with positive people. and i treasure each one of them. they are the ones who changed me my perspective in life. whenever other people say to me:'you are such a good person'... in my heart, i thank deeply of these positive people =). they are Godsent to me to become a better person.

thank you, thank you, thank you =)

can't sleep

i thought i can have lala land party where i can sleep and dream all i can. i think the party would be a little bit later..

i am too tired to sleep...

so i decided to do something beneficial.. well, maybe

i opened up my facebook account, update all my games. done.

opened his account and updated his game. done.

opened back to my account and click on the game requests. total of 94.

cold sweat.. with this kind of internet connection i am never going to complete all game requests hahaha

then another idea. removing friends from lists. removed few.. unsure.. bored.

turned on television.. nothing attracts me. turned it off.

tried to play the guitar.. my fingers still painful. put the baby down.

so i blogged.

then maybe after this i will make myself a cup of warm milk..
then lie on my bed, kiss Vanilla and Bebear good night,
start my 'what ifs' in my brain and try to sleep out of it..

sounds good =)

good night, world. sleep tight

3rd semester, DONE

3rd semester done, praise the Lord =)

3 more semesters to go.. oh can i just get married? hahaha

by all means, run.

LOVE and MARRIAGE

read something i like tonight =)

LOVE and MARRIAGE .. What is It..?

A student asks a teacher: What is love?

The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back.But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the field, went through the first row, saw one big paddy, but he wonders....."Maybe there is a bigger one later."
Then he saw a bigger one... but maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the paddy field, he realized that the paddy is not as big as the previous one he saw. He knew he has missed the biggest one, and is full of regrets. So, he ended up going back to the teacher empty handed.

The teacher told him, this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already missed the person.

The student asked: What is marriage then?

The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the corn field, and this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feels satisfied with, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "This time as you bring back a corn, you looked for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get. This is marriage. 

surgery date- 17th December 2010

seize time, please

to be honest, i am not looking forward for holidays.. while there are things i wanted to do all along, like bakings and slacking at home.. there are more things that i am not prepared to do.

many changes may come, many that i might not be able to handle, many i must crawl slowly to get through, but i know theres always a silver lining in every cloud.

i pray that God is with us all along the days ahead. i seriously can't move on without His grace and blessings. and i cast all my cares to Him, because He truly cares

the first person i think of every morning and the last person when i close my eyes to sleep at night -is still you

Departed Love

dear Grandpa,

2o years had passed. we still missed you dearly. you were a legend, a leader, a father, a brother, a friend for those lives you had touch, and also..you were my dearest grandpa.

you left when i was 2 weeks old, and in those shortest time we meet, though i can't remember anything as a baby, you made the best earliest memory for the two of us. mum and dad told me that you visited me when i was born. you held me dearly in your arms. and you gave dad RM10 to open a bank account for me. with that money i already had my own bank account, and had saved enough for my education, my future. thank you so much grandpa!

you must have been a great person before we meet. all these while i only hear good things about you, grandpa. you were brave, kind, sweet, and loving. every day in the dawn you would start your day praying for every members of the family. how i wish i can be like you..

proud at the fact that you are my grandpa =)



dear Grandma,

it hasn't been long since you left. i missed talking to you while we sit on the front porch. i miss walking to the store with you. i miss the sound of your walking cane thumping on the floor as you walk. i miss your cooking, i miss your angry voice.i miss your laugh. i miss everything about you.

i am sorry i was not there for your funeral. i was far away from home and was having midterm examinations when mum told me the news. how i wish i can help out, and paid my last respect to you, grandma.

love you, grandma =)



dear Aunt Theresa,

whenever i think of you, i smile. all there is are good memories with you. i often feel lonely when i came back to the village but i know who to look for those times. look for you. you would talk and try explaining with everything you could to get me understand what you are up to. and you are willing to play ball with me, regardless to big your age was and how tired you can be. thanks for all the good times.

i am sorry, too.. for not attending your funeral. i was still away from home.

aunt Theresa, i miss you =)


love,
Cecelia

they said..

if 2 person prayed for the same thing, God will grant their prayers.

"..where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I would always be."

i hope we are praying over the same thing =)

back to December

a friend told me this song really is related to my life. and when i read the lyrics, i was stoned.. every words, every sentences from the intro to the chorus and to the bridge is so true. it is like a song directly came from my heart. tears just rolled down and darn it, what is this feeling?

that particular year in December.. affects every December the years after it.

that is the reason why i always wished for a reset button in life, i still do



Back to December- Taylor Swift

I'm so glad you made time to see me
how's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them for a while
you've been good, busier than ever
we small talk, work and the weather
your guard is up and I know why

cause the last time you saw me
is still burned in the back of your mind
you gave me roses and I left them there to die

so this is me swallowing my pride,
standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
and I go back to December all the time
turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine,
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time.

these days I haven't been sleeping
staying up playing back myself leaving
when your birthday passed I didn't call
and I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
realized that I love you in the fall
then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
you gave me all your loveand all I gave you was goodbye


so this is me swallowing my pride,
standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
and I go back to December all the time
turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine,
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
so if the chain is on your door, I understand

but this is me swallowing up my pride,
standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
and I go back to December,
turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine,
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright,
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind,
I go back to December all the time.

all the time.

finals!

final exams around the corner.. how fast can time passes us by??

i had memos sticking here and there reminding me finals really is in 2 weeks time and this one i made it on my desktop sticky notes:

FINALS (NOVEMBER)
9th JAPANESE (7.30-9.30PM)
12th COMP GRAPHICS
13th PHILOSOPHY (9.00-12.00PM)
15th STATISTICS (2.00-5.00PM)
22th ORG. BEHAVIOUR (2.00-5.00PM)
24th COG. AND DESIGN (2.00-5.00PM)

and then i am off for a 1 month holiday and christmas!! no plans made yet but slacking at home is a must :P

off to study =)

just a quick stop

today hasn't finish yet but it seems like it has been so long and i still need to get up and get going.

i was invited to be a technician for my friend's English For Self-Expression drama on Friday night. controlling all the lights and appropriate music to suit on stage, i sure learn a lot from the technician himself.



the control room was sound proof, which i didn't expect so when i wanted to hear the lines from the actors and actresses on the far most opposite side of the room i must take a few steps back and listen quietly. while they were 'shouting' on the stage, all i could hear up here was whispers :D



my friend who happen to be acting are not feeling well herself. i just brought her to the clinic and hoped that she will recover as soon as possible so that she can act this coming Friday.

i keep reminding myself to take extra care especially now since everyone is falling sick, even my room mate is. i even bought myself supplementary vitamins to help with my immune system.

but seriously i need to get some rest. even if eating the right food and doing the right thing, without proper sleep is still as bad. i am frying my brain in one way and finals is around the corner and i can't have a blunt head to answer the exams XD

gtg..

p/s i wish i can have a hug telling me that everything will be okay, even if they don't!

do you believe in second chance?

sweet realization

there are so many deaths and people passing away these few days. somehow it made me feel like i must live life to the fullest, and surrender everything to God.

many condolences to those who have lost their loved ones. many tears that seems to regret of not loving the gone more when they were alive. tears full of love and despair.. because of the sudden departure.

and yes, that also reminds me to love all those who are close to my heart. must tell them i love, i miss, and i appreciate their presence. all prayers are for their happiness and health.

take good care, let's love each other really much, let's make each other happy, for we will never know when we will leave and depart from this world.


:)

few days ago i watched a great movie Eat, Pray, Love... truly it is packed with many life philosophies. and yea, it is full of love and romance quotations, which are real and true. this part would be my favourite:

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

allow me

for this post, allow me to pour out what seems to be kept in my heart for quite some time.

i never wanted to show people me being in a foul mood or sad or simply, hurt.

but i guess nobody can be happy all the time and i might feel better if i can just say it out and let it pass by me.

memories can wear us down. i agree on that. no matter how far we go in this life, how long it has happened and what have we done to get rid of the little pieces of memories we wanted to erase so badly in our head, we can never feel alright.

maybe it was regret that i am having. regret of giving too little, maybe too much.
maybe it was greediness. greedy to want it all for me.
maybe it was loneliness i come to think it this way.

i didn't know exactly when did he walked out of my life. when did he drifted apart and where did it go wrong. it just happened. when i was too young to understand. all i did was fell down on the floor and cried. can never get up after that. flunk my tests and got my room mate troubled by my mood swings.

that was years ago. that was when i was away from home. when i first feel different. when i think i matured.

well, one thing for sure, i never regretted everything that had happened. period. i learned a few, maybe a lot from there.

i learn that life is never beautiful. fairy tales, no need to mention la.. it is never real. when letting go, leave quietly, and don't hate. God is always there. it is okay to cry and not feel okay, it shows that you still care over yourself, your own feeling. it is okay to be happy again.

haha.. must straighten up now. life is great! :)

my wednesdays

i kinda love wednesdays, simply because once wednesday comes, thursday and friday always pass by very fast i don't even realize the weekend is here again. :)

so on wednesdays i would attend a 2 hour class and then in the afternoon having a blast with friends in drama club.

i like playing small characters in every play. i despise being a main character because it will give me so much stress when all eyes are on me. i would rather be the cats, the stones and the white horse, sometimes the rat that helps Cinderella out of her miseries.. or during christmas play, i was the tax collector, the shepherd and the inn keeper for the play. i like to challenge myself changing into different costumes behind the stage. people will not remember me but my existence was just as important than the main characters haha..

being a main character for my own life was a chaos, let alone leading a play in a drama :P

see our ballet-like studio! mirrors to study our facial expression


camera, flash, action!


neh.. camwhoring :P


wednesday wednesday wednesday when-is-day when-is-day WHEN-IS-DAY?

life goal

did i mentioned that i have a new room mate yet? :)

few days ago i had a new room mate currently taking her masters. so from her, i am quite motivated to struggle in my studies (thanks God! :D )

with convocation week in UNIMAS, and seeing my dearest ex-room mate graduating i feel even more motivated! i missed her so much, it has been months we are apart. she said i have loose so much weight and lost my chubbyness (oh no!!!! hahahaha)

maybe it was my schedule and lifestyle that made me loose weight. sometimes i am worried over my hair kept on falling and eye bags are getting more and more serious. i tried to eat healthier food and get some rest whenever i get the chance to.

and then now i am surrounded by seniors who are dean lists and taking masters, you can imagine how hypered up i am to wanting to become like them! they are such a great motivator and role models for me. and i tried imagining myself graduating my degree 21 years old, continue on and by 23 i completed my masters... i am still very young! XD

well that was in the plan. if nothing goes wrong and God granted my plan then everything would be wonderful. living in a fast pace life i wanted to do more, and wanted to challenge myself to how far can i go from here. i cannot stay in one spot too long, i must learn to fly to another better spot.

yes, life is fast paced. and i learned that since i was young. my brother told me when i was just few months old he wanted to teach me how to walk. but ended up i learned to run first when he let go of me.i ran from one end to another, cleverly gripping and holding on to the sofa to land safely. growing up, i will remember that piece of memory whenever i feel so down and low. i told myself that as a child i was special, i was strong to handle life. it will always stay that way. i am special, i am strong. and with that memory i feel alive again.

daddy said my course is a tough one. learning in multidisciplinary, he understands why sometimes i spent so much time staying awake at night and locking myself in the room. he gives me motivation that Cognitive Science is hard, but he believe that i can get through it. thanks daddy :)

and so from here i am going to run. wish me luck :)

what's up

mum is worried with my health.. im worried myself too haha

but situation pushed me to do things and lately there are too many things to handle like assignments and also studies to catch up with. always shocked by the sunrise early in the morning and worry about being sleepy in class or being out of breath. always have to say "Lord, help me."

so there are some people that i tend to neglect including my friends and family. some who know me they will understand. at times like this, i don't have time to give way to unnecessary worries. i don't have time to please people when i can't even please myself. so during this period, all i am asking for is peace, and no drama :) because i am not good in dramas.

there.. that is what i am up to these days. japanese oral tests, computer graphic group assignment, philosophy assignment, organisational behavior assignment, and also preparing for final test in one months time.

mum, thanks for the orange juice, please not to worry about me being zombie-like and messy (like what you said).. im struggling for my future.

friends, thanks for being supportive and struggle to get through this together.. hah.. cant imagine doing this alone without you guys. i might cry haha

alright thats all for now la :)

*angry*

just when i want to be happy ar.. you come and spoil everything.

just when i wanted to be okay ar.. you ruin everything.

why? i look stupid to you is it?

i look like i can be bullied is it?

you have problems.. sure i will help, but not every time la please

im not your maid, am not your slave..

i have my problems also.. i got bother you meh? got order you to do things meh?

i am not going to look stupid again listening to you.

i am going to ignore you, don't blame me.

someday you learn that i am helping you to be more independent.

get angry at me la if you want.

curse me la if you like.

i have my limit..

and this is it. i don't care

solve your own shit next time. God bless

my popo

i have one and only grandma now.. reaching the age of 80, i know i must love her more and more :)

which is why i love to bring her around and enjoy little things in life. she cant walk much, but she and i share the same interest.. car rides!!

last weekend drove my parents and grandma to the airport to send my brother back to Bintulu. after that, daddy bought McD ice-cream for everyone including grandma's. eating ice-cream in the car together while watching airplanes go off and land was freaking fun and priceless


look at grandma!! :D


it's so fluffay im gonna die!


ngeeee one for d album! ooops sorry daddy XD


while i was waiting for mah ice-cream


its so very easy to have a fun time with those you love. anything simple can be a sweet memory. grandma eating ice-cream will be a rare one. she might not be able to eat ice-cream someday but at least i captured a moment of hers enjoying her sweet treat.

popo, one more round? :)

another night comes

another night with loneliness. sitting here and got nothing to do but to think of one person, perhaps two that had been gone for too long. and i tried to push those bad feelings by thinking the things i could have done and enjoy big dreams i have.

and yes.. i think i give up already. i have changed many things in my life to keep away from you or to keep the distance.. but it always have failed. i failed and i faked a smile and it hurts not to admit it. its sad when the people you try to love don't feel the same way. leave and let go.. and i cant.

the more walls i build the more shaky they are. i give up trying to build those walls. it's no use coming back to the same spot again. i give up. so i am going to run for this. run far enough away for you to miss me. and if nothing happens by then.. i know what it means.

and so another night comes, another lonely one.

changeling

i finally feel peace,
after all the pain that comes ease,
i hold on to God's love to lead me,
i find serenity without notice.

having trouble sleeping these nights,
i knelt down in the dark without lights,
terrified with the thought that this body can't fight,
i prayed, and grasped the cross tight.

i haven't told a soul,
and only heaven knows what i am at all,
this battle forced me to be bitter cold,
did someone out there hear my call?

sometimes i feel my body gets weak,
and the future really seems bleak,
i tried not to miss your encouragement, but my heart won't fake,
decided to keep it to myself, will that be a mistake?

no, i don't think it's a mistake that way,
i must not let you worry about my day,
'i am doing fine', i must say,
because there should not be sorrow for 2 hearts, come what may.

i am at peace, this is true and honest,
and everyday i give my very best,
making each moment the happiest,
all these tempers, they will just go with the breeze.

fondness

its wonderful when spending time with those i love.. able to talk about everything and have a little world where only we know.

but i often forget the part where i have to let go.. where people decide not to stay or eventually leave. i forget it is beyond my control and will that those i treasure will someday gone.

or maybe i did not forget. i choose to ignore. and that ignorance hit me pretty hard these days.

i learned one word when i am lying down on the bed typing this.. fondness.

i so loved a thing or a person.. and that fondness takes place. being used to one's presence and the next moment you lost that person..

yeah.. people can come and leave anytime they want. And yeah.. We must get hurt now and then. And they say time will heal the pain. I hope they are not BS.. Because my old wounds, they never get heal!

When people leave, what must i do? I am so fond already, it is a habit, it was my drug to get through shitty days..

and so i gave up building fondness with people.. It might save my heart from more damage.

I am very down today, but i hope its not for long.. Im figuring out how to get through.. And be able to find my oldself back. My old cc. I miss her.

please take care

sitting down with my daddy after having dinner just now and he was opening up his nedication tupperware and slowly taking out the pills and put them aside. i read through the labels for the pills.. all related to the heart.

and my brother asks whether daddy bring around his aspirin to anywhere he goes or not. daddy said no.

my brother asked again whether daddy ever had chest pain. daddy said he endured the pain.

it made me worried sick to hear all that!

daddy never show that he is in pain. if he said he feels a bit painful.. it means he is in great pain already. and because sometimes he keep things to himself, i cant do much but to just be there and help him with his medication.

but this time im not around... dammit i wish i can have a long holiday until all this ordeal is over.

daddy please take care..
darlings please take care..

if i know someone get sick, ill be more worried sick, though i tend not to show it because what good does it bring if i show my worried face at the people who is sick?

laughter is the best medicine, and smiles can cure bitter heart.. i believe those words. take care, take care..

comfort level

For the past whole week I really feel like I want to just stay becoming a small kid and surrounded by familiar voices and people I love and play all day long.


Just when I am trying to get familiar with the class and study I was forced to leave and follow another class. Meeting new faces was fine, but to gain the trust and start from scratch to get the assignments done was a total disaster. I don’t like starting all over. Call me introvert or anything, but I will not, will never like to redo things like making new friends just because I need to get the job done. So when I was taken away from ‘friends’ I just get to know in my previous class, and was put with a whole group of unknown people... My comfort level was, well, zero. I sit there trying to think that everything is cool. I wanted to run away so, so far away, so badly.


It feels like the Lego you built for quite some time and you are happy with it and someone open it up and ask you to redo the exact same thing. It feels like you drew something pretty and someone come and tear it up, give you another blank paper and go away. It feels like starting all over in a new relationship with a new person when you have tasted love from the previous person before this. I would be so upset if I really have to redo.


But life as it is, it will still move on. Despite how negative I feel right now, there’s nothing to worry because I will feel better after some time. I will get to love the class, I will build something new with the Legos, I will draw something better than before. But in relationships I don’t know. I feel that my heart is closed, perhaps still longing for the past, God knows.


But to my friends and family who stayed still with me during these times, I feel very grateful. I found serenity in loneliness, and found peace in emptiness. Joy will come someday, discomfort shall past.

after all, i am never very alone. i have God with me all along the way :)

altogether

sadness and happiness altogether rushing in lately.
was very sad when i fell down at the bathroom and twisted my hip. why oh why on days like this must i fall down when i need to walk to class and have presentations.. need to hold my breath when walking and press against my left hip to 'support' it, or so it seems. friends would look over and asked whether i am having appendicitis. i was so lazy to explain what happenned so i posted an explanation on facebook.

will be more careful next time everytime i step foot in the bathroom. at the mean time, im taking painkillers and am doing just fine

well the happy part is i got to go to kuching festival with my friends. eating and laughing all the night, i ended up arriving home and throw myself on the bed, waking up at 3am with a shock. my head got dizzy and my hip start driving me mad again i went to take a bath and lying around, waiting for sun to rise. with a cup of warm milk at 5am i took a short nap near the window, only to be kissed by the morning sunshine. if everyday can be as calm as this morning i would be very grateful.

well here is what i have eaten (actually so much more but no chance to take pictures of it because it was pinched and eaten by myself and my friends the second i get to hold it ngehehee..)well someday soon friends would be uploading pictures of us walloping the foods. good food and great companions.. such a nice way to treat a broken heart lol

tornado twist cheese flavoured!


三层肉饭


straw basket rice, very cute, very tasty, sold out very early



人山人海



roasted quails or called as 泰国小鸟



so after the sadness and happiness comes, i believe it is going to be the time for madness. assignment madness and midterm exams madness. help help help! ngahaha~

have a blessed Sunday.. and will write again soon :)

:D

yea im writing again.. i think i just love to write, love to share, love to tell.

leaving 'season of love' chapters behind and starting 'stick and stones'... still the same me and trying to be the same me. mum said i changed a lot lately, i was worried but glad to hear that i have changed in positive ways.

now let's see what i want to tell today. :)