they said..

if 2 person prayed for the same thing, God will grant their prayers.

"..where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I would always be."

i hope we are praying over the same thing =)

back to December

a friend told me this song really is related to my life. and when i read the lyrics, i was stoned.. every words, every sentences from the intro to the chorus and to the bridge is so true. it is like a song directly came from my heart. tears just rolled down and darn it, what is this feeling?

that particular year in December.. affects every December the years after it.

that is the reason why i always wished for a reset button in life, i still do



Back to December- Taylor Swift

I'm so glad you made time to see me
how's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them for a while
you've been good, busier than ever
we small talk, work and the weather
your guard is up and I know why

cause the last time you saw me
is still burned in the back of your mind
you gave me roses and I left them there to die

so this is me swallowing my pride,
standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
and I go back to December all the time
turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine,
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time.

these days I haven't been sleeping
staying up playing back myself leaving
when your birthday passed I didn't call
and I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
realized that I love you in the fall
then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
you gave me all your loveand all I gave you was goodbye


so this is me swallowing my pride,
standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
and I go back to December all the time
turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine,
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
so if the chain is on your door, I understand

but this is me swallowing up my pride,
standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
and I go back to December,
turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine,
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright,
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind,
I go back to December all the time.

all the time.

finals!

final exams around the corner.. how fast can time passes us by??

i had memos sticking here and there reminding me finals really is in 2 weeks time and this one i made it on my desktop sticky notes:

FINALS (NOVEMBER)
9th JAPANESE (7.30-9.30PM)
12th COMP GRAPHICS
13th PHILOSOPHY (9.00-12.00PM)
15th STATISTICS (2.00-5.00PM)
22th ORG. BEHAVIOUR (2.00-5.00PM)
24th COG. AND DESIGN (2.00-5.00PM)

and then i am off for a 1 month holiday and christmas!! no plans made yet but slacking at home is a must :P

off to study =)

just a quick stop

today hasn't finish yet but it seems like it has been so long and i still need to get up and get going.

i was invited to be a technician for my friend's English For Self-Expression drama on Friday night. controlling all the lights and appropriate music to suit on stage, i sure learn a lot from the technician himself.



the control room was sound proof, which i didn't expect so when i wanted to hear the lines from the actors and actresses on the far most opposite side of the room i must take a few steps back and listen quietly. while they were 'shouting' on the stage, all i could hear up here was whispers :D



my friend who happen to be acting are not feeling well herself. i just brought her to the clinic and hoped that she will recover as soon as possible so that she can act this coming Friday.

i keep reminding myself to take extra care especially now since everyone is falling sick, even my room mate is. i even bought myself supplementary vitamins to help with my immune system.

but seriously i need to get some rest. even if eating the right food and doing the right thing, without proper sleep is still as bad. i am frying my brain in one way and finals is around the corner and i can't have a blunt head to answer the exams XD

gtg..

p/s i wish i can have a hug telling me that everything will be okay, even if they don't!

do you believe in second chance?

sweet realization

there are so many deaths and people passing away these few days. somehow it made me feel like i must live life to the fullest, and surrender everything to God.

many condolences to those who have lost their loved ones. many tears that seems to regret of not loving the gone more when they were alive. tears full of love and despair.. because of the sudden departure.

and yes, that also reminds me to love all those who are close to my heart. must tell them i love, i miss, and i appreciate their presence. all prayers are for their happiness and health.

take good care, let's love each other really much, let's make each other happy, for we will never know when we will leave and depart from this world.


:)

few days ago i watched a great movie Eat, Pray, Love... truly it is packed with many life philosophies. and yea, it is full of love and romance quotations, which are real and true. this part would be my favourite:

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

allow me

for this post, allow me to pour out what seems to be kept in my heart for quite some time.

i never wanted to show people me being in a foul mood or sad or simply, hurt.

but i guess nobody can be happy all the time and i might feel better if i can just say it out and let it pass by me.

memories can wear us down. i agree on that. no matter how far we go in this life, how long it has happened and what have we done to get rid of the little pieces of memories we wanted to erase so badly in our head, we can never feel alright.

maybe it was regret that i am having. regret of giving too little, maybe too much.
maybe it was greediness. greedy to want it all for me.
maybe it was loneliness i come to think it this way.

i didn't know exactly when did he walked out of my life. when did he drifted apart and where did it go wrong. it just happened. when i was too young to understand. all i did was fell down on the floor and cried. can never get up after that. flunk my tests and got my room mate troubled by my mood swings.

that was years ago. that was when i was away from home. when i first feel different. when i think i matured.

well, one thing for sure, i never regretted everything that had happened. period. i learned a few, maybe a lot from there.

i learn that life is never beautiful. fairy tales, no need to mention la.. it is never real. when letting go, leave quietly, and don't hate. God is always there. it is okay to cry and not feel okay, it shows that you still care over yourself, your own feeling. it is okay to be happy again.

haha.. must straighten up now. life is great! :)

my wednesdays

i kinda love wednesdays, simply because once wednesday comes, thursday and friday always pass by very fast i don't even realize the weekend is here again. :)

so on wednesdays i would attend a 2 hour class and then in the afternoon having a blast with friends in drama club.

i like playing small characters in every play. i despise being a main character because it will give me so much stress when all eyes are on me. i would rather be the cats, the stones and the white horse, sometimes the rat that helps Cinderella out of her miseries.. or during christmas play, i was the tax collector, the shepherd and the inn keeper for the play. i like to challenge myself changing into different costumes behind the stage. people will not remember me but my existence was just as important than the main characters haha..

being a main character for my own life was a chaos, let alone leading a play in a drama :P

see our ballet-like studio! mirrors to study our facial expression


camera, flash, action!


neh.. camwhoring :P


wednesday wednesday wednesday when-is-day when-is-day WHEN-IS-DAY?

life goal

did i mentioned that i have a new room mate yet? :)

few days ago i had a new room mate currently taking her masters. so from her, i am quite motivated to struggle in my studies (thanks God! :D )

with convocation week in UNIMAS, and seeing my dearest ex-room mate graduating i feel even more motivated! i missed her so much, it has been months we are apart. she said i have loose so much weight and lost my chubbyness (oh no!!!! hahahaha)

maybe it was my schedule and lifestyle that made me loose weight. sometimes i am worried over my hair kept on falling and eye bags are getting more and more serious. i tried to eat healthier food and get some rest whenever i get the chance to.

and then now i am surrounded by seniors who are dean lists and taking masters, you can imagine how hypered up i am to wanting to become like them! they are such a great motivator and role models for me. and i tried imagining myself graduating my degree 21 years old, continue on and by 23 i completed my masters... i am still very young! XD

well that was in the plan. if nothing goes wrong and God granted my plan then everything would be wonderful. living in a fast pace life i wanted to do more, and wanted to challenge myself to how far can i go from here. i cannot stay in one spot too long, i must learn to fly to another better spot.

yes, life is fast paced. and i learned that since i was young. my brother told me when i was just few months old he wanted to teach me how to walk. but ended up i learned to run first when he let go of me.i ran from one end to another, cleverly gripping and holding on to the sofa to land safely. growing up, i will remember that piece of memory whenever i feel so down and low. i told myself that as a child i was special, i was strong to handle life. it will always stay that way. i am special, i am strong. and with that memory i feel alive again.

daddy said my course is a tough one. learning in multidisciplinary, he understands why sometimes i spent so much time staying awake at night and locking myself in the room. he gives me motivation that Cognitive Science is hard, but he believe that i can get through it. thanks daddy :)

and so from here i am going to run. wish me luck :)

what's up

mum is worried with my health.. im worried myself too haha

but situation pushed me to do things and lately there are too many things to handle like assignments and also studies to catch up with. always shocked by the sunrise early in the morning and worry about being sleepy in class or being out of breath. always have to say "Lord, help me."

so there are some people that i tend to neglect including my friends and family. some who know me they will understand. at times like this, i don't have time to give way to unnecessary worries. i don't have time to please people when i can't even please myself. so during this period, all i am asking for is peace, and no drama :) because i am not good in dramas.

there.. that is what i am up to these days. japanese oral tests, computer graphic group assignment, philosophy assignment, organisational behavior assignment, and also preparing for final test in one months time.

mum, thanks for the orange juice, please not to worry about me being zombie-like and messy (like what you said).. im struggling for my future.

friends, thanks for being supportive and struggle to get through this together.. hah.. cant imagine doing this alone without you guys. i might cry haha

alright thats all for now la :)

*angry*

just when i want to be happy ar.. you come and spoil everything.

just when i wanted to be okay ar.. you ruin everything.

why? i look stupid to you is it?

i look like i can be bullied is it?

you have problems.. sure i will help, but not every time la please

im not your maid, am not your slave..

i have my problems also.. i got bother you meh? got order you to do things meh?

i am not going to look stupid again listening to you.

i am going to ignore you, don't blame me.

someday you learn that i am helping you to be more independent.

get angry at me la if you want.

curse me la if you like.

i have my limit..

and this is it. i don't care

solve your own shit next time. God bless