sitting down with my daddy after having dinner just now and he was opening up his nedication tupperware and slowly taking out the pills and put them aside. i read through the labels for the pills.. all related to the heart.
and my brother asks whether daddy bring around his aspirin to anywhere he goes or not. daddy said no.
my brother asked again whether daddy ever had chest pain. daddy said he endured the pain.
it made me worried sick to hear all that!
daddy never show that he is in pain. if he said he feels a bit painful.. it means he is in great pain already. and because sometimes he keep things to himself, i cant do much but to just be there and help him with his medication.
but this time im not around... dammit i wish i can have a long holiday until all this ordeal is over.
daddy please take care..
darlings please take care..
if i know someone get sick, ill be more worried sick, though i tend not to show it because what good does it bring if i show my worried face at the people who is sick?
laughter is the best medicine, and smiles can cure bitter heart.. i believe those words. take care, take care..
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
comfort level
For the past whole week I really feel like I want to just stay becoming a small kid and surrounded by familiar voices and people I love and play all day long.
Just when I am trying to get familiar with the class and study I was forced to leave and follow another class. Meeting new faces was fine, but to gain the trust and start from scratch to get the assignments done was a total disaster. I don’t like starting all over. Call me introvert or anything, but I will not, will never like to redo things like making new friends just because I need to get the job done. So when I was taken away from ‘friends’ I just get to know in my previous class, and was put with a whole group of unknown people... My comfort level was, well, zero. I sit there trying to think that everything is cool. I wanted to run away so, so far away, so badly.
It feels like the Lego you built for quite some time and you are happy with it and someone open it up and ask you to redo the exact same thing. It feels like you drew something pretty and someone come and tear it up, give you another blank paper and go away. It feels like starting all over in a new relationship with a new person when you have tasted love from the previous person before this. I would be so upset if I really have to redo.
But life as it is, it will still move on. Despite how negative I feel right now, there’s nothing to worry because I will feel better after some time. I will get to love the class, I will build something new with the Legos, I will draw something better than before. But in relationships I don’t know. I feel that my heart is closed, perhaps still longing for the past, God knows.
But to my friends and family who stayed still with me during these times, I feel very grateful. I found serenity in loneliness, and found peace in emptiness. Joy will come someday, discomfort shall past.
after all, i am never very alone. i have God with me all along the way :)
Just when I am trying to get familiar with the class and study I was forced to leave and follow another class. Meeting new faces was fine, but to gain the trust and start from scratch to get the assignments done was a total disaster. I don’t like starting all over. Call me introvert or anything, but I will not, will never like to redo things like making new friends just because I need to get the job done. So when I was taken away from ‘friends’ I just get to know in my previous class, and was put with a whole group of unknown people... My comfort level was, well, zero. I sit there trying to think that everything is cool. I wanted to run away so, so far away, so badly.
It feels like the Lego you built for quite some time and you are happy with it and someone open it up and ask you to redo the exact same thing. It feels like you drew something pretty and someone come and tear it up, give you another blank paper and go away. It feels like starting all over in a new relationship with a new person when you have tasted love from the previous person before this. I would be so upset if I really have to redo.
But life as it is, it will still move on. Despite how negative I feel right now, there’s nothing to worry because I will feel better after some time. I will get to love the class, I will build something new with the Legos, I will draw something better than before. But in relationships I don’t know. I feel that my heart is closed, perhaps still longing for the past, God knows.
But to my friends and family who stayed still with me during these times, I feel very grateful. I found serenity in loneliness, and found peace in emptiness. Joy will come someday, discomfort shall past.
after all, i am never very alone. i have God with me all along the way :)
Saturday, August 14, 2010
altogether
sadness and happiness altogether rushing in lately.
was very sad when i fell down at the bathroom and twisted my hip. why oh why on days like this must i fall down when i need to walk to class and have presentations.. need to hold my breath when walking and press against my left hip to 'support' it, or so it seems. friends would look over and asked whether i am having appendicitis. i was so lazy to explain what happenned so i posted an explanation on facebook.
will be more careful next time everytime i step foot in the bathroom. at the mean time, im taking painkillers and am doing just fine
well the happy part is i got to go to kuching festival with my friends. eating and laughing all the night, i ended up arriving home and throw myself on the bed, waking up at 3am with a shock. my head got dizzy and my hip start driving me mad again i went to take a bath and lying around, waiting for sun to rise. with a cup of warm milk at 5am i took a short nap near the window, only to be kissed by the morning sunshine. if everyday can be as calm as this morning i would be very grateful.
well here is what i have eaten (actually so much more but no chance to take pictures of it because it was pinched and eaten by myself and my friends the second i get to hold it ngehehee..)well someday soon friends would be uploading pictures of us walloping the foods. good food and great companions.. such a nice way to treat a broken heart lol
tornado twist cheese flavoured!
三层肉饭
straw basket rice, very cute, very tasty, sold out very early
人山人海
roasted quails or called as 泰国小鸟
so after the sadness and happiness comes, i believe it is going to be the time for madness. assignment madness and midterm exams madness. help help help! ngahaha~
have a blessed Sunday.. and will write again soon :)
was very sad when i fell down at the bathroom and twisted my hip. why oh why on days like this must i fall down when i need to walk to class and have presentations.. need to hold my breath when walking and press against my left hip to 'support' it, or so it seems. friends would look over and asked whether i am having appendicitis. i was so lazy to explain what happenned so i posted an explanation on facebook.
will be more careful next time everytime i step foot in the bathroom. at the mean time, im taking painkillers and am doing just fine
well the happy part is i got to go to kuching festival with my friends. eating and laughing all the night, i ended up arriving home and throw myself on the bed, waking up at 3am with a shock. my head got dizzy and my hip start driving me mad again i went to take a bath and lying around, waiting for sun to rise. with a cup of warm milk at 5am i took a short nap near the window, only to be kissed by the morning sunshine. if everyday can be as calm as this morning i would be very grateful.
well here is what i have eaten (actually so much more but no chance to take pictures of it because it was pinched and eaten by myself and my friends the second i get to hold it ngehehee..)well someday soon friends would be uploading pictures of us walloping the foods. good food and great companions.. such a nice way to treat a broken heart lol
tornado twist cheese flavoured!
三层肉饭
straw basket rice, very cute, very tasty, sold out very early
人山人海
roasted quails or called as 泰国小鸟
so after the sadness and happiness comes, i believe it is going to be the time for madness. assignment madness and midterm exams madness. help help help! ngahaha~
have a blessed Sunday.. and will write again soon :)
:D
yea im writing again.. i think i just love to write, love to share, love to tell.
leaving 'season of love' chapters behind and starting 'stick and stones'... still the same me and trying to be the same me. mum said i changed a lot lately, i was worried but glad to hear that i have changed in positive ways.
now let's see what i want to tell today. :)
leaving 'season of love' chapters behind and starting 'stick and stones'... still the same me and trying to be the same me. mum said i changed a lot lately, i was worried but glad to hear that i have changed in positive ways.
now let's see what i want to tell today. :)
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