smitten Sunday

it was supposed to be a short car ride around town to charge the car battery when my second brother brought me to eat gelato at SCOOPS.

i was in my pajamas. my hair was still soaking wet. i was wearing flip flops...

haha who cares? nothing wrong in indulging sweet gelatos in my pajamas~

i had peach and passion fruit gelato and my brother had dark chocolate and rum raisin gelato.. yum yum yum yum yum!!! =D

for a moment there, i thought i was 5... all over again =)

note to herself

a note for me, from me:

Dear cc,

let's live life again.

put up your smiles,

take on the world like you always do,

life is smart, because one can choose to be happy or weary.

life is smart, because one can learn to live by after the big storm.

life is smart, because one can live it freely.

and so cc,

please give up worrying,

and rejoice in His love,

trust Him with all your heart,

for you are under His care.

love, hugs and kisses, and forever yours,

cc =)

i need rest!

many things freaked me out the past few days. i guess life can never be easy and smooth all the time.

i was restless since last Friday. after class i went to the florist before going back home to prepare for my midterm exam the next day. i had around 3 hours of sleep that night and i am thankful for that.

after exam that morning i had faculty dinner in the evening. the event stretched until 12am, and i had to drive home and only settled down around 3am to complete another assignment to be uploaded immediately.

on Sunday i went to the florist again to get my 130 roses to be wrapped and distributed. i can only say that i was on the verge of breaking down with only we 3 amateurs wrapping roses until 2am in the morning. we headed down to 7eleven and bought ourselves coffee, because we had to stay up to study for another midterm paper on Monday after that. that coffee made me stayed up all night.

distributing roses on Monday was no joke. from 7am we fill the cars with roses, hoping to distribute them all before we go to test at 12noon. we can't make it on time. we were glad some are able to help us to distribute to our customers while we take our exams. don't ask how was the exam... we used half the time to doze off (seriously) and another half zoning out looking for answers in mid-air.

after the exam ended, we had to go back to the florist to get few more roses we need to replace because they were damaged. driving on a hot sunny afternoon without any sleep the night before was.... unexplainable. thank God nothing went wrong.

then comes Wednesday. it was 7am when my friend announced there are no water in my hostel. i packed my toothbrush and towels, head down to faculty and prepare for an hour of class. that one hour of class, was where i wish i didn't attend it in the first place.

because there was something that i want to stay out of. and because i was too tired and fatigue from all the problems about selling of roses, i don't need anymore problems for now. i managed to stay away from this particular problem, but the effect just started. unless i change my name and course, i am still consider involved.

don't freak me out, please. i just want to have a good rest, start my day anew and someday soon graduate easily. please make life a little bit easier for all, for me. my mum was asking about my sunken eyes and pale appearance already. don't make this any worser.

if only a long bath can take away the problems, how nice will that be =)

breaking habit

i developed a habit not long ago. a habit that i love, and everyday i look forward to do it. i would push everything aside to give time to satisfy this habit of mine.

but not everything lasts. and after a while, this habit has become a burden, and it did not make me happy. i dreaded over this habit without realizing it. i have been trying to change but i am weak, i ended up doing it. sometimes it is enjoying, at other times, its just a disappointment.

and as time goes by, i decided to break this habit. it did not bring me any good. last time it gave me strength, the will to be able to take on the world. now it feels like sucking all my power of will, and then left alone to face the consequences. it burdens people to, people that i care.

up until now, i don't know what can replace this habit. maybe hanging out with friends, maybe a part time job, maybe self-meditations, maybe a nap.. God knows.

perhaps for the best, i should try to change and break this habit. i don't want to stay on the same spot, i never did. i don't want to regret.

dear heart

sitting in this darkly lit room at 3.41am i find myself having a hard time to sleep. with no one to talk to at this late hours, i logged out all accounts and silent my phone. as the world was sleeping quietly, i asked my heart how i am today.

i let out a big sigh, unintentionally. a sigh from the heart.

what is bothering you, little heart?

my heart responded,

"with things happening are you still happy? sure you have been doing great on the outside, but i am in pain just by looking at you.

why do you keep things to yourself? didn't you realize you are putting pressure on me as you push all your problems to me..? why don't you just share with someone else and feel relieved after telling them your problems. then i don't have to take the job of listening for you.

and when you are sad, why don't you just cry? with you holding back the tears, don't you know i am in deep pain? why being hypocrite?

why do you keep on abiding my way? i get hurt easily and you know you have to pay for the price of listening to me. stop following what i want and keep your sanity in check.

i pump blood throughout your body everyday without resting. i barely stop from doing my job and the last thing i wanted from you is the so-called problems you look for. do something beneficial rather than annoy me with your endless dramatic feelings, can you?"

wow.. heart complaining already. i should put aside everything for now, get some sleep and so that my heart can be at least in a relaxed state.

goodnight, world. hope to have a morning sunbath later =)