comfort level

For the past whole week I really feel like I want to just stay becoming a small kid and surrounded by familiar voices and people I love and play all day long.


Just when I am trying to get familiar with the class and study I was forced to leave and follow another class. Meeting new faces was fine, but to gain the trust and start from scratch to get the assignments done was a total disaster. I don’t like starting all over. Call me introvert or anything, but I will not, will never like to redo things like making new friends just because I need to get the job done. So when I was taken away from ‘friends’ I just get to know in my previous class, and was put with a whole group of unknown people... My comfort level was, well, zero. I sit there trying to think that everything is cool. I wanted to run away so, so far away, so badly.


It feels like the Lego you built for quite some time and you are happy with it and someone open it up and ask you to redo the exact same thing. It feels like you drew something pretty and someone come and tear it up, give you another blank paper and go away. It feels like starting all over in a new relationship with a new person when you have tasted love from the previous person before this. I would be so upset if I really have to redo.


But life as it is, it will still move on. Despite how negative I feel right now, there’s nothing to worry because I will feel better after some time. I will get to love the class, I will build something new with the Legos, I will draw something better than before. But in relationships I don’t know. I feel that my heart is closed, perhaps still longing for the past, God knows.


But to my friends and family who stayed still with me during these times, I feel very grateful. I found serenity in loneliness, and found peace in emptiness. Joy will come someday, discomfort shall past.

after all, i am never very alone. i have God with me all along the way :)