few nights ago i kept dreaming i was in the hospital taking care of one person whom i believe was my boyfriend. i cant recall how he looked like but it seems that i have been with him quite long already. he was in a comma.
some other time his parents would come and visit bringing me clothes to change and meals. then his friends would also pay a visit and bring me out for walks while one of them took charge of taking care of him.
a month or so in my dream, his parents brought along a little girl and broke the news about him having a little girl with one of his ex girlfriend. she ran away, leaving the little girl behind. i was supposed to take care of that little girl, like my own daughter.
she got the Eurasian looks, with blondish wavy hair she like to twist around with her tiny fingers. rather a quiet type, i don't find it hard to have her around the ward with me, taking care of her father. she like to play with me, and had a crush on one of the male nurse in the ward. her favorite thing to do in the ward was blowing warm air at the window so that it gets misty and draw a house with her initials "L".
on the outside, i am poised and calm to take care of the man in comma who betrayed me and got me into trouble with having to take care of his daughter. inside of me i was on the verge of breaking down. while the girl was sleeping on the plastic chair i often whispered to him with my teeth clenched, "get up and fixed what you have messed up, you moron"
my parents would call and asked where am i. for the past months i did not tell them i was staying at the hospital. i lied saying that i was busy working and had to stay somewhere near the office to get the new projects done. mum asked to come home soon, i put off the phone, and went out to reach into my car, and cried.
even though it is only a dream, i heard the worst sound in my 20 years of life: my voice of crying. my heart aches as i hear myself crying out loud.
then i woke up. crying in the car was not my first time in real life. but now it looks like i have brought that crying incident into my dream. i crawled in the dark to get my rosary, and started praying. i prayed and prayed, until i fell asleep again.
how was the dream, and how did it ended, i have no idea. i woke up most of the mornings with dried throat and bad dark circles under my eyes. it was a vivid dream that i had over and over again.
i tried not to dissect too much about that dream, or to worry unnecessary to spoil my day. i would like to believe it is only a dream, a weird dream
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