fondness

its wonderful when spending time with those i love.. able to talk about everything and have a little world where only we know.

but i often forget the part where i have to let go.. where people decide not to stay or eventually leave. i forget it is beyond my control and will that those i treasure will someday gone.

or maybe i did not forget. i choose to ignore. and that ignorance hit me pretty hard these days.

i learned one word when i am lying down on the bed typing this.. fondness.

i so loved a thing or a person.. and that fondness takes place. being used to one's presence and the next moment you lost that person..

yeah.. people can come and leave anytime they want. And yeah.. We must get hurt now and then. And they say time will heal the pain. I hope they are not BS.. Because my old wounds, they never get heal!

When people leave, what must i do? I am so fond already, it is a habit, it was my drug to get through shitty days..

and so i gave up building fondness with people.. It might save my heart from more damage.

I am very down today, but i hope its not for long.. Im figuring out how to get through.. And be able to find my oldself back. My old cc. I miss her.